@TheAlexNevil: You can learn a lot from a woman wielding a knife. For example, your top running speed.
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@thenatewolf: *Slides a five across the bar* Bartender: Did you... Did you break this off our sign out front? Me: (Confidently) tap water please.
@BetteMidler: Only 50 more days til we find out who's our next President! Last time I was nauseous 50 days straight, at least I got a baby out of it!
@ComedyCarter: In life, God is my co-pilot. Unfortunately He is on the no-fly list thanks to His ties to several extremist groups.