@DaddyJew: You can literally take anything from anyone as long as you shout "police emergency" and run away
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@juliussharpe: How about instead of shaking hands we nod at each other and that way we both won't have to wash our hands?
@theshamingofjay: No thanks resolutions, if I wanted to be reminded of everything I didn't follow through on at the end of the year, I'd get married again.
@WheelTod: In the street today, an unattractive woman asked for my number, so I gave her a fake. Still feel a bit guilty, as I'd just totaled her car.