@TheMichaelRock: You can now take small knives with you on planes, but my 4oz bottle of mouth wash is dangerous. Got it!
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@TheDairylandDon: Dammit, phone. It's always been 'this' and never 'thus.' I've got clumsy sausage fingers, not a conclusion to my dissertation.
@imdaintyaf: Don't date a man expecting to change him. At the end of the day he'll still be a man, and you'll have wasted your black candles and a goat.
@KalvinMacleod: BRAIN: it's 4am u up? ME: leave me alone B: who was our grade 5 teacher? M: stop B: why's our eye itchy? M: I'm ignoring u B: engage bladder
@brittwastaken: "Why don't you love me anymore?" I sob as I gather my belongings. "Is it because of the kleptomania?" I cry as I put your cat in my purse.