@TheMichaelRock: You can now take small knives with you on planes, but my 4oz bottle of mouth wash is dangerous. Got it!
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@QwertyJones3: [car dealership] "Why is some guy out there screaming insults at all the vehicles?" *Sees sign PRE-OWNED CARS* "Oh."
@KDonhoops: No internet for 11 hours. I've written two novels, lost 15 pounds, and forgotten how to pronnounce "gif."
@CopBroughtPizza: and now for my next trick, i will saw a women in half. for this i need a volunteer. how about...MY EX WIFE SANDRA WOW I DIDN'T SEE YOU THERE