@Ristolable: You can put a satire warning on whatever you want. People who think Onion stories are real do not know what that word means.
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@AndrewNadeau0: ME: I have zero interest in owning a parrot. CLERK: This parrot is 80% off. ME: I will take 4 parrots.
@i_wasnt_looking: Pharmacy employee you're too unhappy for someone who is in control of all the drugs.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Excited for Game of Thrones tonight because it'll be nice to see civilized political discourse for a change.
@Brampersandon_: RANGER: Remember, don't feed the bears ME (being attacked by a grizzly): OH GOD HE'S RIPPING ME APART! RANGER: What did I just say!?