@theshamingofjay: You can tell a lot about a person based on how long it takes them to find the gun emoji.
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@KentWGraham: “Press the cube root of the 11th digit of pi divided by .5 and doubled if you’d like to speak with a customer service representative.”
@drxubair: I dream to live in a world where I can politely get out of plans by saying, "I'm so sorry, but I just remembered I don't want to"
@EtobicokeErnie: The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance of not going to work tomorrow. Tequila gives you a 1 in 3 chance.
@Cllnsn: Fave bit of the Breaking Bad finale is when Ross is like "DID SHE GET OFF THE METH?" and then Rachel shows up and says "I got off the meth."