@Donna_McCoy: You can tell a lot about a person by how early their neighbors call the cops on Thanksgiving.
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@amselts: Instead of expecting your wife to make you dinner every night like it's 1950, man up and develop a cocaine habit so you don't need to eat.
@Cheeseboy22: Thinking of leaving a fake bloody arm inside the blood pressure machine at this CVS pharmacy.
@DannyZuker: My wife CLAIMS to be my best friend but she didn't seemed all that psyched when I bragged about this girl at work I just made out with.
@novicefather: You say my obsession with Justin Bieber tore us apart but I say my momma don't like you and she likes everyone.