@Donna_McCoy: You can tell a lot about a person by how early their neighbors call the cops on Thanksgiving.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ewfeez: GENIE: you have found my lamp, so I must grant you four wishes ME: I thought it was three? GENIE: You need four
@INDlAN_: [describing robbers to sketch artist] Make his ears more lethargic. That’s better, now flare his nostrils like he’s excited about a sale.
@SteveSuckington: "Annie are you ok?" -yep "Are you ok?" -dude, I just said yes "Are you ok Annie?" -THIS IS WHY YOU DON'T HAVE ANY FRIENDS MICHAEL
@GreenishDuck: You're on your deathbed. You gather the strength to utter your last words "Boxers with pockets," you say. "You'll never have to wear pants."