@UnderTheJewFro: You can tell a lot about a person by the type of car they drive. For example, if they drive a Taxi, they're probably a cab driver.
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@peteholmes: Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did last night and at the beginning add the word "stop."
@Real_Countress: Let me be clear, I chase no one!!! *5 min later. Chasing the ice cream truck down the street
@RxitWounds: *Sits straight up in bed* "THE CHILDREN" *Kids are sitting in the produce department while two watermelons sleep peacefully in their beds*