@Crunk_Jews: You can tell a lot about a person by what they're willing to do during conjugal visits.
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@weinerdog4life: When I turn on the lights all of the dads scatter off of my deck, the fat dads can't get over the fence
@hippieswordfish: [1st date] *stuffing face* sorry i eat a lot when im nervous 'u know ur eating a candle right?' yah *points to napkin* u gonna finish that
@lianamaeby: The woman seated next to me wanted to know if San Francisco is near the water. I replied, "What's water?" so she wouldn't feel stupid.