@Eagle_Vision: You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they are around your throat, she is probably upset at you.
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@tarashoe: women and their purses! haha what's in there. tampons? lol. WATER? sweater? got sweaters? do you have an extra men's medium sweater in there
@MarfSalvador: son: dad, why didn't you want to cut the umbilical cord when I was born? me: [doing jump rope between him and my wife] it's called planning ahead, son
@cbdoubleu: [Going through rubble after a house fire] Her [holding photo albums]: Totally ruined. Me [holding slices of bread]: Pretty much toast.
@phaggots: "911, please help im dying" Good cop: help is on the way Bad cop: just suck it up and be a man Dad cop: hi dying, im dad