@Eagle_Vision: You can tell a lot about a woman by her hands. For instance, if they are around your throat, she is probably upset at you.
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@wittwitbarista: I just saw a woman push 5 little kids in a shopping cart out of Walmart. I didn't realize that you could get them in bulk now.
@HomeProbably: People keep accusing me of using the wrong words in my sentences. It's like everyone in my life has turned into a grandma nazi.
@shanethevein: My wife told me some guy at the bar was buying her drinks all night to get me jealous. We'll it worked. I wish he was buying me drinks.
@thesulk: Pizza Hut ad: "Do you want the same old same old, or do you want the original?" Think about these words.