@Sean_Burgundy_: You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she organizes body parts in her freezer
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@TheDizzyBeauty: Kinda creepy that my kids got in a screaming match over which one is my favorite since I don't have any kids.
@simoncholland: 1st week of school: sandwich cut in a cute shape, sliced fruit, encouraging note. Last week of school: handful of croutons wrapped in foil.
@desi_princess: I told my boss I'm calling in sick today. He said, "You can't do that when you're already here." Is that true you guys?
@peteholmes: Forgot to make resolutions? Just write out everything you did last night and at the beginning add the word "stop."