@Sean_Burgundy_: You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she organizes body parts in her freezer
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@thepunningman: Remember, you are statistically more likely to be killed by a donkey than a plane crash. [Donkey Pilot turns and does throat slit gesture]
@wilw: Cat: LET ME OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW LET ME OUT RIGHT NOW! Me: *Staggers out of bed. Opens door* Cat: *lies down on doormat*: You are dismissed.
@tequilasaltlife: He's going to change just for you? Wow, you must be a very special kind of stupid
@meh_thinks: The phrase “A stone’s throw” has been discontinued. Please use “In Wifi range” from now on.