@MensHumor: You can tell by a woman's feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
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@Jack_Wagon1: Sometimes when I get a retweet... I blow on my phone, twirl it and slide it into my belt holster, then ride off into the sunset like a dork.
@Reverend_Scott: Wife: I don't think those fireworks look safe to use- Me: [lighting fireworks] who you think I'm gonna believe? You, or Six-Fingered Pete?
@Try2StopME: Hey, girl at the gym that keeps moving to the opposite corner every time I get on the machine next to you, yes, I feel the chemistry too.
@fro_vo: [First Date] Me: so can I see you again? Her: I had a nice time but I don’t think so Me: *stops holding in stomach*