@LionJenkins: you can tell im drunk by the number of made-up words i concoctulate
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@iwearaonesie: coworker: Do you want a plate? me [carrying 2 pieces of cake out of the break room] For what?
@ericsshadow: If you had to decide between being fat and rich or poor and skinny, what bridge would you sleep under?
@AmishPornStar1: Do you like long lines, mass transit and sweaty white people? Ask your doctor if a Disney trip is right for you.
@SaltyCorpse: When I was in college I had all these philosophical questions. Now I just want to know how these kids got toothpaste under the toilet seat.