@mstern68: You can tell which inmates were involved in organized crime because their cells are much neater than other prisoners'
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@INDlAN_: Adulthood is like looking both sides before crossing the street and them getting hit by an airplane.
@ValeeGrrl: 6yo: ONCE I HAVE CHEST HAIR I'LL BE A MAN & THEN LADIES CAN'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO ANYMORE Husband: *dies laughing*
@gojarbe: [gun goes off] [every runner pretends to be wounded, then laughs and starts the race] ANNOUNCER: and the annual Dad 5k is underway