@Underchilde: You can tell your life sucks when you run into traffic and the cars go around you.
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@ibid78: [plays dead to stop a bear from chasing me but then it plays dead next to me and we end stargazing together, forming a spiritual connection]
@LlamaInaTux: (Invention of the necktie) I can't figure out how to tie this silk noose. Looks like I'll have to go to the dinner party after all.
@OfficialMizGin: I hate it when a guy pulls out a chair in front of me. I’m never sure if he’s a gentleman or a chair thief.