@TheThryll: You can usually win any arm wrestling contest by simultaneously leaning in for a kiss.
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@DanMentos: "Your son's been involved in a shenanigan" What kinda shenanigans? "It was just one shenanigan" You called me down here for one shenanigan?
@ObscureGent: My daughter says she saw a demon in her room. I'm tweeting this from the safety of my office wishing her a lot of luck.
@UncleDuke1969: I've got 99 problems... <snap> 98 problems. <snap> 97 problems. <snap> 96 problems. <snap> BRB... I need to buy more mousetraps.