@NikiWithIssues: You can't give me a mini fan at work and expect me not to spend the whole morning pretending I'm a model doing a photo shoot. It's science.
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@prncss_fifi: My parents think im a virgin. My boss thinks Im an excellent employee. The government thinks Im an outstanding citizen. Where's my Oscar?
@GrantTanaka: [son sees me sleeping outside] son: did you call mom the n word again me: but she IS a nagger
@Jeff_Sargeant: 2 out of 3 isn't bad. Unless you come home from the park with 2 out 3 kids. Then it's bad