@melibuff: You can't have your cake and thigh gap too.
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@sfreeze6: [2015 Bird Awards] AND THE AWARD FOR GROSSEST NAME GOES TO...HORNED GUAN (Lizard Buzzard quietly puts acceptance speech back in pocket)
@SSDated: Me: *crawls in window* Him: What are you doing?! Me: You're my boyfriend now? Him: I'm calling the cops Me: But you retweeted me??
@PaperWash: "are you sure these x-rays are safe?" [doctor 12 feet away behind a lead wall] you're fine