@david8hughes: You can't keep eating people's lunches from the break room & blaming the Taliban. A lot of what you've been stealing is pork for one thing.
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@maliagif: boy: i wished girls liked sports girl: i like sports boy: oh yeah name the blood type of the seahawks coach from the 1990s
@CYComedy: My goal weight is for my waiter to ask me if I want a salad with my meal without bursting into laughter.
@collinwithtwoLs: *cashier stares at obviously fake ID* you sure you're 3? *dog panics and runs out of the store barking*