@david8hughes: You can't keep eating people's lunches from the break room & blaming the Taliban. A lot of what you've been stealing is pork for one thing.
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@TheBoydP: [Carnac the Magnificent] Donald Trump Hannibal Lector Liver and fava beans *opens envelope* "Name a winner, a skinner, and a dinner"
@FullMetalMommy: My husband brought home one happy meal for two kids. Frankly things would have been less dramatic if he'd brought home a girlfriend.
@CulturedRuffian: I SCREAM, YOU SCREAM, WE ALL SCREAM, BECAUSE GRANDPA FORGOT TO WEAR HIS HEARING AIDS AGAIN!