@david8hughes: You can't keep eating people's lunches from the break room & blaming the Taliban. A lot of what you've been stealing is pork for one thing.
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@PanicRestroom: Always stand up for what you believe in, unless what you believe in is sitting down.
@SufficientCharm: My man wants me to understand him better so I'm not getting my mustache waxed this month.
@lukeoneil47: I was 17 having dinner w new gf's parents. Pooped. 1st flush didn't take. I got nervous they'd hear a 2nd so I threw the turd out the window