@david8hughes: You can't keep eating people's lunches from the break room & blaming the Taliban. A lot of what you've been stealing is pork for one thing.
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@errdayhustlah: No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I'd go on a road trip with my mom.
@Zac_Franklin: my default response when someone questions a risky text of mine is "sorry, I was drunk." But now everyone thinks I'm an alcoholic so..shit.
@robdelaney: Woman at drive-thru just called me "honey." Headed home to tell my wife to take a god damn hike.