@weinerdog4life: You can't name your dog Jeff, that's illegal
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@Scdavis24: I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
@tastefactory: *tree falls in forest, quickly stands up and looks around to see if anybody heard it, brushes self off*
@rockymomax: ME: long time no see! I heard you're a doctor FRIEND: I am. what do you do now? ME: [glances down at open twitter app] I'm a writer