@weinerdog4life: You can't name your dog Jeff, that's illegal
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@C_J_Commode: I've reached the point of laziness where even laying around has become too much for me to handle.
@daemonic3: [walks date home] HER: Wanna come up for a nightcap? ME: I gotta work early HER: I have 2 dogs ME:[already running up stairs like Rocky]
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Me: (squeezing into a gown) I'm so sick of the fashion industry. Who do you even make these clothes for? Children? Disney Store clerk: Yes.