@DillDoes: You can't spell "secret government conspiracies" without that 27th letter of the alphabet that they're hiding from us
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@Darlainky: Nurse: You need to eat or you can't have your pain meds. Me: Do the thing. Nurse: Me: Nurse: *holding fork* [sigh]*makes airplane noise*
@Sassafrantz: Sitting on my hand until it gets numb so it feels like someone else is folding my laundry.
@iGreenMonk: I dont care what women say, size matters in bed. The bigger the bed the more room you have to move around.
@LackOfShame: Nothing's sadder than the look on my dog's face when I reach under the kitchen table to pet her and she realizes my hand is empty.