@DillDoes: You can't spell "secret government conspiracies" without that 27th letter of the alphabet that they're hiding from us
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@DanMentos: [job interview] "Why do you want to leave your current job?" My boss is a total idiot "It says here you're self-employed?" Yes that's right
@GeauxSaints79: M: Are you gonna eat that baby? Lady: What!!?! Go away you Sick-O' M: Sorry! I saw you putting it on Instagram & figured.. Never mind.