@lecalabara: You catch more flies with honey, even more with a dead body and way more with honey on a dead body.
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@ninatreemonkey: If I had two bathrooms I'd tell everyone someone died in one, I ain't tryna clean two bathrooms
@flashember: [Enters baby room late at night] *flicks switch* [baby's got a raccoon in a headlock] "What the-" DAD CLOSE THE DOOR THIS PUNK OWES ME MONEY
@LinajkReturns: Hottest day ever recorded in November and my neighbor is already installing Christmas lights. So don't send me a fruitcake. Already got one.
@TheMichaelRock: If you surround your house in police tape, the odds of you being robbed drops dramatically.