@lecalabara: You catch more flies with honey, even more with a dead body and way more with honey on a dead body.
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@DopeyTweeter: Fight Club: Teaches you how imaginary friends can become more popular than you are.
@KentWGraham: Our forefathers fought against British rule so anyone can become president. For the first time in 240 years, we’re regretting that decision.
@neptunemoons: "Mom! Mom! Hold this cockroach while I grab the lizard!" --Things I honestly never imagined I'd hear as a parent
@MsFoxIfUrNasty: [housefly pilot training] Instructor: You encounter a window! What do you do? X: Test the same 3 spots for weakness? I: Repeatedly! Good.