@lecalabara: You catch more flies with honey, even more with a dead body and way more with honey on a dead body.
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@Sarcasticsapien: I hate when people say "Look at me when I'm talking to you." I mean, c'mon, one inconvenience at a time.
@aka_fatman: Chief: You're the WORST cop in the department! Hand over your gun and badge! Me: *realising I left both in my son's crib* Uhhhhh....
@JB4Realz: Taught my grandmother that "Jabroni" means "fine young man" and it's made our time out in public way more interesting.
@doguacate: when interviewing a person for a dog walking position, you must make absolutely certain that given the chance, the applicant won't eat a dog