@simoncholland: You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.
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@SadMeterologist: -I heard this dog was chipped. -Microchipped sir. -I don't care how small the chip is, I'm not paying full price.
@Allison_Tolman: Therapist: Participate in a hobby your partner enjoys. Me: Like sitting on paper bags? Therapist: No, not your cat. A human partner. Me: Oh.
@audipenny: I am dressed in all grey and a man also dressed in all grey just stared at me and for a second I got very nervous that he thought I was him