@simoncholland: You could make dinner for a toddler, or you could just cut out the middle man & throw away a plate of food and squirt ketchup on the dog.
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@CutCopyPasta: [Pet Store] Clerk: Ma'am what can I help you with today? Me: hi I'd like to buy this line C: You mean snake? M: Yes your largest worm please
@Birdhumms: Me: Help someone is trying to gain entry to my home, send the police! Her: Calm down, where are they now? Me: Still ringing the doorbell
@mydmac: Once, just once in my life, I'd love a guy to grab me, pull me in close and whisper I'm hunting wabbits.