@TheMichaelRock: You couldn't hold an intelligent conversation if I duct taped one to your hands.
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@TheTweetOfGod: "God is good all the time!" Yeah. Not you though, Russ. You sucked for 55 frigging minutes.
@PyrBliss: I'm a pretty law abiding citizen, but overweight and out of shape security guards really make me want to test their commitment to the job.
@lakeanagirl: I knew my wife was having a bad day when she put her tampon behind her ear and couldn't find her cigarette.
@andreeahluscu: All I'm saying is that if M&M's poured out of a person after you stabbed them, I'd probably lose my moral compass very quickly.