@TheMichaelRock: You couldn't hold an intelligent conversation if I duct taped one to your hands.
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@mrsmith196645: I've concluded English is my phone's second language. It's the only explanation for all the bizarre autocorrects and typos that plague me.
@spekulation: My phone corrects "haha" to "hahaha", so all my friends think they're 50% funnier than they actually are.