@AristotlesNZ: You didn't come here to be insulted? Why? Where do you usually go?
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@panmidwest: ME: omg I love your accent! Say that again! MY AUSTRALIAN WIFE: You're shallow and selfish. I'm leaving you and taking the kids.
@cpabry: Pal - "Can you help me put this IKEA desk together?" Me - "I'll need a screwdriver." Pal - "Sure what type?" Me - "Greygoose or Kettle One."
@LurkAtHomeMom: Called Comcast to see about dropping my service and long story short, If anyone wants to watch Showtime, call me on one of my 36 landlines.
@MrEmilyHeller: Why does Minnie Mouse wear heels? She is the only female mouse Mickey knows. Pressure's off, girl. Your boyfriend doesn't even have a shirt.