@secondofhername: You don't have to write 'Twitter addict' in your bio. Your 58675687K tweets give it up by themselves.
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@Brianhopecomedy: Went on a trampoline with my 1 year old and learned that if you jump JUST right it unfortunately turns into a baby catapult.
@GauravBlue4ever: Church: Follow Jesus. Me: Does he follow back? Church: .. Me: .. Church: .. Me: Shoutout for shoutout??
@trentistweeting: The amount of tinder matches I've gotten has skyrocketed since I changed my interests from "Murdering" to "Not Murdering"
@aecide: Killing mosquitoes by smashing them in mid-air as they fly by is so satisfying until you accidentally hit a person in the head.