@juneohara65: You don't know humility until your Ouija board gets snippy with you.
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@jwoodham: I can't make it tonight. There's a couple fighting at Target and the guy just started sarcastically clapping. I need to see where this goes.
@DirtMcTurd: Remember back in the day when your TV wouldn't work so you'd bang it a few times? I tried that with my dishwasher and she ended up pregnant.
@TheBoydP: [work email] Me: Can I meat the new guy? Boss: Meet? Okay, sure... Me: Great! *hides bag of steaks*