@samalmightysam: You don't love me? Don't worry, the first step is denial.
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@Token_Geezer: The amount of time my phone spends plugged in you may as well call it a landline
@better_off_dad: Her: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! Me: *puts naked Barbie away. 'It's not VooDoo if that's what you think! Her:Freak! Me:Did you feel--anything?
@juanadog: Saw a sign on the highway that said "Kill or Injure a Road Worker: $7,500" but it doesn't tell me where to pick up the money...