@1Happytwit: You don't need to use your words if you're carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
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@iamspacegirl: [answering door on halloween] NEIGHBORHOOD MOM: please stop giving the children hamsters ME *hands full of hamsters*: but it's Halloween
@runolgarun: Anyone who doesn't believe sentient A.I. will be the death of humanity has never been asked by Waze to make an unprotected left turn.
@Jenny4ashley: Boss: Are you high? Me: If I was high could I do this? *teleports two inches to the right*