@1Happytwit: You don't need to use your words if you're carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
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@TheBoydP: The old saying about pissed off waiters applies to everyone really. I’m fairly certain the guy at Home Depot just spit on my mulch.
@Rebecca8672: Pro Tip: Before you ask your kid's Principal if he'd like a kiss make sure he can see the chocolate you're holding in your hand.
@JElvisWeinstein: My brain knows that there's a guy doing work on my roof today, but my nervous system keeps acting like the house is under attack.
@UncleDuke1969: "Remember those funny tweets about Keith? And, the Chad jokes? Haha! They were great! We should do those again. Right, guys? Guys?" - Karen