@andrewmonea: You don't need to wear clothes in public if you can run fast enough.
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@TheAlexNevil: Drumpf's presidential campaign in reverse: an increasingly laughable story of an egomaniac running for an office he couldn't possibly win
@dlockw21: *First Date Her: Why are we at Home Depot? Me: I wanted to see what it's like to pick out bathroom tile with you. See if this is worth it.
@david8hughes: Mechanic: that's gonna cost $2000 Me: how much? Mechanic: $3000 Me: what did you say before that Mechanic: I said "that's gonna cost"
@Adam14: My wife doesn't have a Honey-Do list. She has a Cantaloupe list, which has all the girls I'm not allowed to run away with