@dulcetry: You don't need to write "imo". Nobody is confusing your tweets with Nietzsche.
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@PretendMaker: *into earpiece during date* Ok now maintain eye contact No not that kind of contact Bro do not touch her eyes Get your eye away from hers
@AmericanGent69: *answering phone* Mom you know instead of calling me you can just text, it’s easier. *gets text from Mom* It’s your mother. Call me.
@UncleDuke1969: [on knees] “Oh God... please make this hangover go away.” [from heavens] “Due to the Saint Patrick’s Day holiday, we are experiencing abnormally high call volumes. Please hold, and God will answer your prayers in the order in which they were received.”