@lil_dead_girl_: You don't realize how much you miss someone until they come back from the dead.
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@bobvulfov: [posing nude] ME: make sure to capture all of my body's contours DMV GUY: again, this is entirely inappropriate for a license photo
@AndrewNadeau0: GREAT WHITE SHARK: *Jumps out of water & eats seal* JUST OK WHITE SHARK: *Frantically waves flipper to try & get seaweed off but can't*
@PeterMolydeux: You know, my dream for gaming is where in one game you'll shoot someone and then during a game of say Fifa you'll see their son crying
@XplodingUnicorn: Me: Why do you love me? Wife: *shrugs* Me: Why do you find me annoying? Wife: *reveals six spreadsheets and a pie chart*