@lil_dead_girl_: You don't realize how much you miss someone until they come back from the dead.
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@FattMernandez: Katy Perry is such an inspiration to all those young girls out there who want to grow up and ride giant golden tigers.
@DrDogMD: DR DOG: have you been taking your diabetes meds daily? PATIENT: no DR DOG: *hits him on the nose with a rolled up newspaper* Bad patient!
@ramenfuneral: sent someone a text that said "you need medieval catheter" when i actually meant "medical attention" and i didn't bother correcting myself