@_SingleBabyMama: You don't realize how much you miss your privacy until you have a toddler hugging you the entire time you pee.
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@heidi420x: Me: was I born with a mental disorder? Mom: did you iron a shirt while wearing it again Me: NO Mom: ? Me: I thought pants would be different
@BuckyIsotope: POLICE: knock knock DRUG DEALER: who's there P: weed DD: weed who P: we'd like to come in and arrest you DD: lol good one, come on in
@badbanana: My favorite holiday drink is the Little Drummer Boy. It's one part rum, three parts pum.