@JeremyKCMO: You drunkenly fall into one bathtub with your pants around your ankles, breaking the curtain rod and all of a sudden, everyone is a critic
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@ArfMeasures: WIFE: We'd have less arguments if he wasn't so pedantic THERAPIST [to me] Is that right? ME: No. It should be fewer arguments
@Ibeerya: Saw a couple standing in the park holding each other tightly, silently, not moving. I was touched. Both their phones must've been stolen.
@FO_ASchatz: I just pressed the Popcorn setting on my microwave and it showed me secret spy video of Kellyanne Conway eating lunch.
@Phook75: The biggest problem with getting my picture taken is anytime someone says "Cheese!" My immediate response is "Where!!"