@JeremyKCMO: You drunkenly fall into one bathtub with your pants around your ankles, breaking the curtain rod and all of a sudden, everyone is a critic
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@onion_an: [at restaurant on 1st date pretending not to be an eel] Date: The wine is lovely great choice Me: *helplessly slips off chair*
@thatUPSdude: Went to Hollister but nothing fit, plus got lost in there for a week. Came out 30lbs lighter, so went back in to buy a shirt. Well played.
@RealPrincessKim: Every teen trick-or-treating tonight got a handful of candy and a, "You must be heartbroken. I can't believe Justin Bieber died so young!"