@FancyNancyAnn: You ever bark back at your dog and then wonder what you just said?
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@novicefather: I was gonna put on my cowboy hat and sit on my patio shirtless to showcase my abs when I realized I don't own a cowboy hat, a patio, or abs.
@QuiteQuietOne: I just peed in my bath. But don't worry, I won't drink the water. - 4 year old logic
@myonlymizztake: Did you guys know you get a full body massage while being embalmed? I can't wait.
@_GrahamPatrick: [bedroom] TRANSFORMER WIFE: Honey, this is silly. I'd never cheat on you. TRANSFORMER HUSBAND: Okay....hey, when did we get that wardrobe?