@Storminika: You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn't used to be?
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@JRobb773: Your haunted dolls will promise you they are good at cutting even bangs, but they are not. They. Are. Not.
@KeetPotato: [undoes GFs bra first time] "wow have you been practicing?" don't be ridiculous [me and dog exchange glances]
@kendragaylord: [Whole Foods] Woman: MY COCONUT WATER BROKE! *I drive her to the hospital and she names her first coconut after me*