@Storminika: You ever drive around with an old person who knows where everything didn't used to be?
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: If you watch Beauty & the Beast backwards a grown man devolves into a monster then into a petulant little boy. It's basically Twitter.
@caliluvgirl77: I can't have a boyfriend because my clean laundry goes on the other side of my bed.
@therealeatwood: Did you know that according to FDA regulations a goblin can be labeled as a hobgoblin even if it contains only 3% hob
@juliussharpe: The NSA has been tracking phone records for Verizon customers. They skipped AT&T because those people can't complete calls.