@Storminika: You ever lied so much on a resume, you're actually shocked that they gave you the job? I mean look at me, do I look like an astronaut?
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@ilovepie84: You would be surprised at how many people will run if you yell "ITS A TRAP" and run in a random direction
@OctoberJones: In honour of Agatha Christie, turn off all the lights and kill one of your work colleagues.
@GodShammGod9: My great grandma started to giggle at a barbecue and when I asked what's funny she said " everyone here is alive because I got laid ".
@theroneman: [stacks of books on floor] Impressive, son. [son places pizza on one stack, soda & cookies on others] "Yep; perfect height" [turns on Xbox]