@Storminika: You ever lied so much on a resume, you're actually shocked that they gave you the job? I mean look at me, do I look like an astronaut?
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@transaParent: I just taped the TV remote to my dogs back so I'll never lose it again. Your move Apple.
@iwearaonesie: [dad accidentally steps on the dog] I'm sorry girl, I didn't see you. Are you ok? [dad accidentally steps on me] Why are you on the floor?!
@paigellwanger97: i could miss 4 days of school in a row in HS and have all A's and you zone out for 38 seconds in college and ur grade goes from a B to a G