@Storminika: You ever lied so much on a resume, you're actually shocked that they gave you the job? I mean look at me, do I look like an astronaut?
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@TheBoydP: The only time I get anxiety is when I’m picking up a prescription for my wife and the pharmacists asks me for her birth date.
@rachaelkelly18: The lady at the bakery who draws her eyebrows on is looking extra surprised today
@missekay: Just saw a bumper sticker that said "supprt your local beaver" or maybe it said "support your local brewer" either way it's sound advice.
@tastefactory: [ants at a Def Leppard concert] *Pour Some Sugar on Me starts* Ant 1: Oh hell yeah I love this one Ant 2: Sugar is good for us and the queen