@zero3_benz: You ever notice that the most dangerous thing about marijuana is getting caught with it?
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@dafloydsta: DOCTOR: Are you sexually active? ME: No. DOCTOR: Are you at least active? ME: Also no.
@GrantTanaka: It's important for me to teach my kids to be independent & self-reliant, cause I won't be around forever, especially if I win the lottery.
@dafloydsta: [at a bar] *sees hot chick check me out* *writes note on napkin and asks bartender to give to her* *she reads note* "STOP STARING IT'S RUDE"
@DumbConfessions: God: Women will bleed for a week. Universe: What will men do for pleasure at that time? God: *sigh* Fine. Mouths. But they'll talk. A lot.