@jctwritesstuff: You ever randomly hear your mom singing 'Candy Shop' and then die a little inside?
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@FloodyHippie: You don't need to put "narcissist" in your bio. This is twitter, that shit goes without saying.
@HeyZeus666: My dad use to take me to the circus to see the tattooed man and the bearded lady. Now, I can see them anytime shopping at Walmart.
@Fickle_Filly: Up to 300 serial killers are active every day but the good news is that some of us have been incapacitated by the internet.
@Dawn_M_: A guy told me I'm bad at flirting and I got so mad I took back all the dead birds I nailed to his door.