@AndRyanTF: You ever watch a really stupid person for like 10 mins and wonder how they haven't been hit by a train or carried off by a giant eagle yet?
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@SondraDeeMe: [job interview] What experience do you have plucking chickens? Me: See all those hairs on my chin? No. Me: Exactly.
@GibJimson: Nephew: Were the scorpions around when there were dinosaurs? Me: You mean like the band?
@TheTweetOfGod: As a rule, if the number of genders allowed to drive in your country is less than two, you live in an awful country.