@Adar79Angie: You girls are so cute, talking about crumbs in your bra. I found a missing hiker in mine.
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@maisonwithapen: *stands near cute dude in store* ME [pretending to be on my phone]: PLEASE doctor, when will I be cured of my no gag reflex problem *winks*
@behindyourback: *at my funeral* Friend crying over my casket: look they're burying her in her favorite dress Me, still dead: it haaasss pockets
@djdarrellripley: Me: I need to know what your office drug policy is. Him: No drugs. Me: Got it... Do you consider the parking lot to be part of the office?
@BestScienceJoke: Some cardinals and some ordinals walked into a bar, but the ordinals walked in first.