@bazecraze: You gotta kiss a lotta frogs to get a lotta desperate late-night texts from frogs.
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@JessiCanadian: I wish I could see the look of surprise and wonder on my son's face when he opens his lunchbox full of tampons today. Payback for talkback.
@MartaEffing: [first date] Me: *sees he owns a cat* Him: Are you a cat or a dog person? Me: *maintains eye contact* *pushes cat off the table* *leaves*
@SondraDeeMe: I've always had a soft spot in my heart for female T-Rex because the tampon insertion must've been really difficult.
@NicestHippo: I love killing for fun "Sociopath! Arrest him!" I mean I love hunting "Why didn't you say so my good man, want to kill together sometime?"