@famouscrab: you gotta turn your phone off when you fly in case an old plane text you and your new plane get jealous
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@aneesa_p: *eats a bag of chips* *eats 2 baked potatoes* *eats a plate of fries* *eats a plate of mashed potatoes* Being a vegetarian is easy!
@Book_Krazy: Me: Well hello again. I knew you'd be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave
@PJTLynch: "Can I go play w/ my Twitter friends?" Wife: "Are the kids in bed & the dishwasher emptied?" "...Yes" *wife opens cabinet, kids fall out*
@pplwtching: *uses Sharpie to write, "do not drop" on your newborn's forehead before handing it back.