@famouscrab: you gotta turn your phone off when you fly in case an old plane text you and your new plane get jealous
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@mynameisntdave: GENIE: u get 3 wishes! ME: for my first wish, I want a never-ending bowl of guac GENIE: guac, huh? Yeah, that's gonna cost you an extra wish
@WilliamAder: It's just a matter of time before they add the word "Syndrome" after my last name.
@JessicaNorthey: Got a call saying my son got caught lying, cheating & was being expelled. I don't have a son. That kid is one damn good liar
@gojarbe: [on a date] me: what's your favorite book series about a big red dog? her: uhh Clifford, i guess me: wow we have a lot in common