@MisterBombay: You guys ever see a mannequin and think she's completely out of your league?
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@leshnevsky: Any phrase can be banalized,by adding "if you know what I mean" at the end. EG: This morning my wife made me a ??tea,if you know what I mean
@Michabean: My family made a pact that I'm the first to be sacrificed in a zombie apocalypse because I'll slow them down. That's my workout motivation.
@moiragallaga: The fact that people use the wrong "your," "there," "it's" and "its" yet spell "Bieber" correctly just kills me.
@joejwest: COP: You seen an escaped evil octopus? ME: No COP: [looks up] Nice chandelier ME: Thanks COP: Why is it wet? ME: Um COP: And holding 8 guns?