@dysalexia: You guys I found this new great birth control called pregnant women posting pictures on Facebook.
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@LionJenkins: Will The Real Slim Shady please sit down Will The Real Slim Shady put his left arm in Now out Will The Real Slim Shady shake it all about
@ericsshadow: [Starbucks intercom] "Will the man that ordered the Skinny Cinnamon Dolce Latte please pick up your drink. No one is looking."
@sameblacklist: If Eve sacrificed the whole human race for an apple, have you ever wondered what she would have done for a cucumber?
@better_off_dad: It took me 9 self inflicted ER visits, but that nurse finally realized it was love at first sight.