@SirEviscerate: You guys, I just submitted a tweet to Twitter, and they accepted it and put it on their website!
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@AdrianYoung10: I've just found a mole on my shoulder. I don't know how he got out of the garden but he's cute.
@Shock_Monster: HR: Does anyone know what FMLA stands for? Me: Fire My Lazy Ass? HR: ... Me: I was gonna guess Lesbian Ass but thought that's inappropriate.
@robfee: Everyone in horror movies: *loud scream* It was probably just the wind *a ghost flies across room* Just the wind *dog gets cut in half* Wind