@Sailsman777: You guys know I'm not one to brag, but my cooking is "to die from."
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@hardlyrelevant: (in dog boss' office) "Smith, you're fired." Fine. I guess I'll just WALK out... (boss' tail starts wagging) "Wait Smith get back here"
@novicefather: [opens door for two Jehovah's witnesses] Ugh...ok come in. The goat blood is in a vial on the table. I'll get the virgin from the basement.
@AristotlesNZ: Cop: "You been drinkin?" Me: I'm going to dinner w/my wife's mom & 94yo granny "You're free to go.." Come on dude. Can't you just arrest me?