@Sailsman777: You guys know I'm not one to brag, but my cooking is "to die from."
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@KalvinMacleod: ME: A bag of my favorite peanuts has gone missing. LIAM NEESON: How did you get this number?
@ieatanddrink: If a guy wants to call a woman ugly online a window should pop up where he has to upload pictures of all the women he's slept with
@StansaidAirport: Festive Fact: Women who put on weight over the festive period are 98% more likely to live longer than their partners who point it out.
@HeidiCF8: I put my pants on like everyone else... As the cop taps on the glass and shines his high beam in my face.