@shkeeber: You guys, my mom wants to know if any of you are going to give her grandchildren.
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@joeljeffrey: I texted my girlfriend "goodnight, love you" but accidentally sent it to my boss. Now Its awkward, cause he holds my hand during meetings.
@GreenishDuck: Hell is probably just thousands of tourists trying to take pictures of you walking a cat.
@Cheeseboy22: I don't understand why my coworkers always complain when I microwave my favorite meal: curry salmon stuffed with burnt popcorn.