@TheRolo: You guys talk about sex like it's so great. I had sex once and she made me take off my jean jacket. Just not worth it.
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@WheelTod: My career as a karate instructor was tragically curtailed when parents found out I was wholly unqualified & just enjoyed kicking children.
@Prof_BrianCocks: "14 years, £20 billion later and my team have finally finished building a Large Hadron Kaleidoscope." "You mean Collider?" "Oh shit!"
@Vodkantots: My psychologist and psychiatrist don't agree on my diagnosis so yes, I get what it's like to have people fighting over me.