@TheRolo: You guys talk about sex like it's so great. I had sex once and she made me take off my jean jacket. Just not worth it.
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@lovemydogduck: Some of my co-workers want to go hang out tonight. Trying to figure how to fake my death and still make it into work tomorrow.
@jonnysun: this is stick *dog wags tail* this is branch. its made of sticks *tail wags faster* this is tree. it makes sticks *dog helicopters into sky*
@InternetHippo: Politics is so confrontational now. I miss the old days, when we settled our differences with *raises glasses to look at history book* war
@theshamingofjay: A soft drink is just a drink that needs a minute. Just give it a minute, this has never happened to it before.