@KenJennings: You guys, The Hobbit is a straight-up ripoff of my unreleased 3-hour experimental film "Helicopter Shots of People Walking."
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@daemonic3: [interview] What's your greatest weakness? ME: Probably avoiding tough questions Can you elaborate on that? ME: Oh hey look at the time!
@T_N_Crumpets: Wife: I just wanted our honeymoon to be special. Me holding 2 Nintendo64 controllers: Me too, but you need to hurry and pick a character.
@SabotagedSmoke: Tried to challenge the guy in the stall next to me to a thumb war, now he's holding my hand & crying about his childhood. I need to wipe.